When I look at me, who do I see?

My wonderful colleague Jack Speer from Delta Associates http://delta-associates.com wrote this wonderful post. I just had to share it with you. It is about how you really see yourself when you look in the mirror.

Are you happy or horrified? What is your self concept when you look at yourself? Some people can’t get enough of their own face in the mirror, others avoid looking at all. Where do you sit?

As an executive coach one of the most important aspects of coaching is working on what a person sees when they see themselves—their fundamental self-concept. You have to get self-concept right for anything else to be right. The ”Me” in the mirror is fundamentally a reflection of how you perceive life. What you see will literally be what you get in your life.

The health of your self-concept is almost as important as your physical health. It is so fundamental and foundational that no matter how smart you are, how many degrees you’ve earned, your work experience—self concept trumps everything else. To a great extent your self-concept will determine your station in life, your wealth, your happiness and well-being.

Do You Accept False information about Yourself—Why!?

My father was not a self-disclosing person, so it surprised me one day when I was a teenager when he told me that he would have been happier and more successful in life if he hadn’t been so ugly. Nothing could have been farther from the truth as revealed by his childhood photos. Later in middle age, he was a very good-looking and distinguished man. He simply accepted false information that he was given about himself.

You may be carrying around false information that was given you very young, and you still believe it.

The Wrong Kind of Humility Can Ruin Your Life—Stop It!

Religious upbringing, parents, and culture have a lot to say about how you’re likely to see yourself. I grew up hearing sermons about being humble, and my West Texas parents told me and my brother over and over again—”don’t get the big head.” If I had ever told my parents I wanted to grow up rich and famous, they would have sat me down for a good talking to. It was out of the world view of my West Texas relatives. The opposite of humble is not really haughty. It’s a belief in yourself to be self-confident and to serve those around you.

Change Ideas that Will Change Your Life—If You’ll Do Them!

Here are some thoughts for you every day when you look in the mirror—they will change your life, but not all at once—changing your self-concept is as difficult as anything you’ll ever do. So here it is . . .

 1. Be true to you–your very own guru. When you look into the mirror, you’re seeing in you a unique individual, never ever to be repeated in the history of the world. There are many guides and sources of knowledge and inspiration—but you are the only one capable of evaluating what you receive, and making the final decision.

People spend a lifetime looking in the mirror and trying to dress, speak, and style themselves like someone they have seen and admired. What they say is what they think people want them to say. When they walk into a room, they wonder who they should try to be.

You certainly must remember you’re not God nor Superman. At the same time, you must trust yourself ultimately. It doesn’t mean you have to abandon your belief, faith, or respect for authority—nothing further from my point. It simply means that you are the last word. Otherwise, you run the risk of drinking someone else’s Kool-Aid—not healthy!

2. Be your own hero—There is no one else you should admire more. When I became my own hero people around me began to look at me differently—like a leader they depended on. Previously, nobody ever beat up on me and put me down like I put down myself. When I was victim of my bad self-concept, everyone responded to me accordingly. Every time I tried to take a role of leadership, I got the feeling that people were saying, “Who do you think you are?” The reason they responded that way was I didn’t believe in who I was. When I believed in myself, others believed in me.

3. Don’t let anyone put you down or limit you because of physical appearance—there’s no “Leaders Look”. At 5’8” inches, I’m getting shorter every year as people grow taller. I go to the gym several times a week and pass by young people who are anywhere from 6’5” up to approaching 7 feet. I am a dwarf compared to these people. Yet short people are doing some really tall things. One of my favourite personalities is Meet the Press host, Chuck Todd, 5’3”, who beat out a lot of very tall people for that position. So if there is something about your physical appearance that you can do something about, work to change it, certainly. But short, tall, fat, homely people who believe in themselves are achieving huge accomplishments every day.

4. Develop your own style that works for you. Leaders come in all kinds of wrappings. I have also known leaders who are incredibly shy, physically unappealing, take-charge people, don’t make any waves folks, sharp elbowed, aggressive personalities, quiet, talkative—all who were successful within their own styles. These people see themselves as leaders and when they walk into a room people often ask, why? It is because of their own self-concept and belief in themselves. Every day you are auditioning for the leading role in the greatest movie of all—the stage play about your life. As the star of that play, you don’t want to walk out on the stage, forget your lines, and fall on your face. It’s not easy to be a star, but you’re in that role. Play that role to the hilt. It’s worth the performance.

 

Find out how you can improve your self-concept. Get in touch for a complimentary coaching session – click here.

Opportunity Everywhere

Opportunities Everywhere!

Think about the word “problem”.

This word actually produces stress because we feel we must solve something, it’s likely to be complicated, and somehow we’ll be graded on how we solve the problem.

The word “challenge”, although a vast improvement over the word “problem”, still carries hidden emotional baggage.

It comes with feelings that maybe you’ll be “humiliated” if your performance isn’t equal to others or you’ll have to climb over a great obstacle or run a tiring race.

The words “problem” and “challenge” are emotive words, meaning there are feelings and emotions that accompany them. Most of the time we’re unaware of these emotions as the words are so common.

When you see a challenge you naturally begin to see reasons why it can’t be achieved. When you see a problem, you see failure looming. With both, you’re recognising a manifestation of a fear you have. Once you’re victim to the fear of failure you can’t think in a healthy way.

The answer? Change your perspective.

What if there was no such thing as problems or challenges?

What if there were only opportunities to test what you believed, no failures to keep you from trying, and only growth from your experiences?

“What would you attempt to do today if you knew you could not fail?”

There’s huge power in this kind of thinking! (Which is another good reason to have an objective coach in your life.) Changing your perspective –just the way you use a word for example – helps you tap into an inner energy to accomplish your dreams. Changing your perspective helps you identify and overcome internal obstacles and barriers so you can succeed!

For more information on MindShifts Coaching and Mentoring Programs please click here, or get in touch today.

Positive Energy

Creating Positive Energy With Your Words

One of the ways we generate energy is as a result of the words we use. Every word spoken or read creates an image and energy in our minds.

Did you know that we actually remember positive words better than negative words!

Here’s an example: Don’t dump rubbish here! Sounds OK. It communicates! But in your mind something amazing happens when you read this – amazing but not good. Why not good? Well, when you read an instruction that is worded negatively, you have to switch tracks from “I can’t dump rubbish here” to “where in the world AM I supposed to dump the rubbish!”

What’s better and more effective to say is: “Dump rubbish here.”

Eliminating one word turns the negative order into a positive order that can be easily followed and avoids having to switch around in a thought dilemma, which wastes time and creates negative energy!

Here are a couple more to consider:

 

So think carefully about the words you use and the positive energy they bring to you and to those around you.

This month, practice using positive words and let me know how you go. You could always share how you are going on the MindShifts Facebook page.

Personal Planner

What’s your personal plan for 2018?

Most of us have a personal plan – of some kind. It might be a list of things that you’re ‘hoping’ to achieve… and sometimes you might have it ‘written down somewhere’.

After working with successful people for over 20 years as a business advisor and coach I know from experience that for a plan to be achievable it must be explicit and ‘alive’. Having a plan in your head just isn’t going to cut it.

By articulating and writing it out, you will become clearer on the outcomes that you want to achieve. Are you looking to develop your career, inject more fun and enjoyment into your days, enhance relationships, or get on top of your finances or health?

Having a written plan is the first step…

Here are some tips to get your personal plan started:

1. Pick a future point in time (maybe the end of the year, or in 3 – 5 years) and imagine your ideal life. What does it look like? What are you doing that is different from today?

Action: Download our wheel of life to help you with this process – and reflect on how you have addressed each area of your life at the point in time you have selected.

2. For each area of your life, write down what are you good at, what makes you happy, and what you could improve? Make a list of your strengths and the areas you need to address.

3. Choose one area to focus on. (If you try to focus on too many areas at once you may end up giving up.) Write down what your ultimate objective is – and the steps you need to take to achieve the ideal scenario you’ve described. How will you know if you have achieved your goal? Like any objective you need to make sure it’s measurable.

4. Get a support person or coach to keep you focused and accountable. As I often say, it is hard to keep focus when you are up to your armpit in alligators!

5. Once you feel you are moving forward in one area, you can begin to look at other parts of your life. Remember to set some clear milestones so you know that you are moving in the right direction.

Most people think that planning is confined to the office, and limited to finance and budgets. However to create the life that you want – you must plan for it. While there may be a budget somewhere in your plan, a major part of the process will involve taking the time to think, articulate and measure where you are now – where you want to go – and how and when you’re going to get there.

You create your life.

After all, you are the leader of your life.

____________________

 

Special Offer: Over the next couple of months I’d like to offer you a complimentary 30 minute strategy coaching session to help you map out your personal plan for 2018. Together we can make it your best year yet!

Click here to book a time that suits you.

How well do you influence?

To influence is an art that has been lost in the volume of information that people are swamped with today. As we are all aware, information is readily available in overwhelming volumes – through the media, the internet and social media networking. One of the biggest hindrances to success is all about persuading the people you wish to influence. Even the best business proposal will not gain traction if you are unable to influence or persuade your target. The important thing is influence and not just inform. Following are five prongs of persuasion:
  • Words: Express yourself with positive, specific and precise words. Don’t use negative, vague words.
  • Rhetoric: Use rhetoric to get your message across, include powerful messaging and use memorable phrasing.
  • Emotion: Draw on emotions to get your message across. Create feelings such as pleasure, fear, safety, acceptance, and prestige. Decisions are based on emotions.
  • Logic: People need to justify their emotional decisions with reason. Help to interpret the facts, information and ideas that are available. Take a point of view. Lead others to draw  conclusions.
  • Trustworthiness: Demonstrate your integrity. People need to trust your personal values and genuineness before they’ll believe what you say.

Information floods the airwaves, the internet, and our in-boxes. And with that influx, influence has become rare. Yet channelled toward a goal, influence – not simply information – drives action and results.